my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
