Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
