She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
