I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
