I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
