Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
