my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
someone owes me an orgasm
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
