Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
