sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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