he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
