matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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