Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
