i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
