Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
