so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I want to be your penis for a week.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize