Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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