you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
