chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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