I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
