my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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