I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
