I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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