So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
