Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
