Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
