from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
