don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
