dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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