yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
