Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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