it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
