I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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