C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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