I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I cut my penus on the lid.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
