I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
