is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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