Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
