o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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