and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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