i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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