We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
