We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
