My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i now understand why vodka
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
