Swine flu. Run for my life!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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