Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize