porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
where are my eyebrows?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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