Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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