Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
