I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
