forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
As shirtless as possible
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
