i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
