I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
even my farts smell like vagina
smell my finger.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
