did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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