pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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