So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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