Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
