one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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