Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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