dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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