Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize