don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Holy shit dude........stairs
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