she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
