It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
