If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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