I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
