you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I won't apologize to a one balled man
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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