I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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