my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
